Allowed to be Drunk on the Premises

Legislation and alcohol will forever maintain an
interesting relationship.  This song from over a
century and a half ago is a witty example of one
such compromise:



Allowed to be Drunk on the Premises              
                  By John Labern
                  circa 1855

Of all the strange bills that they've pass'd
    To make people act with propriety,
They've manag'd to make one at last,
    That is causing some fun in society.
For in every street you go through,
    Lane, alley, or any such crevices,
Each beer-shop writes up full in view,
    "Allowed to be drunk on the premises."

The people they all must agree,
    Tho' so much has been talk'd of concerning it,
A better law never could be,
    For in fact they're now daily confirming it.
What taste can that man have, oh dear!
    Who this Act say a wish to condemn is his,
He can't know what wirtue's in beer;
     If he did not get drunk on the premises.


What a good set of trumps they must be,
    In the house of all the slim and the crummy ones,
At the same time I'll own and agree,
    That there's some of them reg'lar rummy ones,
But I means all those radical chaps,
    Wot gloriously made it their businesses,
To wote for them beer-drinking acts,
    Allowed to get drunk on the premises.


Talk about legislation and that,
    Why, I'm almost asham'd to be naming it,
They really can't know what they're at
    So I'll in a few words be explaining it.
Five shillings if groggy you're found
    To fine you they say it their business is,
Altho' by the Act you're bound
    To stay and get drunk on the premises.


Some M.P.'s I daresay tried hard,
    Against others such a bill carrying,
From us they've all comfort debarred
    But one, that's the pleasure of marrying.
But I'm sure they've no cause to talk,
    For they all on the sly keep their mistresses,
They sits with 'em drawing their cork,
    And I warrants gets drunk on the premises.


For landlords it's all werry well,
    We needn't do as they tell us now;
That temman wot keeps the Blue Bell
    Not half enough drink will he sell us now.
I told him, say I, we're well back'd
    And your conduct, sir, very remiss is,
For we're by this Parliament Act,
    Allowed to get drunk on the premises.

A word or two more I must say,
    Before I my song can be finishing,
To all those who woted that day,
    Our cares and sorrows diminishing.
Towards something round I'll be proud,
    To be part for I think it my business is,
To drink all their healths wot allowed
    Us all to be drunk on the premises.


--Marchant, W.T.  "In Praise of Ale," 1888